You just don't wind up with a shirt like this, unless you's a rascal. As you've learned by know, rascals are proud to display their rascality.

This rascal was captured by one of our intrepid fields agents.

Rascal - we salute and thank you for announcing your rascally self!

Rascal: Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs, Leader, 'The Twelve  Tribes of Israel'

Rascally Act:  Claiming direct communication line with God; Enslaving weak brains to farm work in return for food and a bed (and nothing more); Cavorting around town and the world enjoying debauchery and pay-to-see nekkid ladies.

Rascally Details: Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs, former high school teacher, decided at some point in the late 60's or 70's to quit teaching and start talking to God. The result of these talks with God led Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs to create and lead the Twelve Tribes, an international religious cult with origins in Chattanooga, TN in the early 70's. Twelve Tribes dogma is based on Old Testament Jewish Law and Christian Gospel (with a few of Spriggs direct quotes from God thrown in for a good controlling measure). 

This Rascal and his underlings prey on the weak- and narrow-minded by requiring members to give up all their possessions and then confining them to various communes aka slave labor farms where they toil the land for a pittance of food and ramshackle housing. Meanwhile, Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs jetsets around the world, or can be found in town at the local titty club.

Like most Rascal-based organizations, the Twelve Tribes has burned through afew different names, only to be changed when additional child abuse or wife beating charges were filed, to keep up "image" (see Altria aka Phillip Morris).  Some of those names include: Northeast Kingdom Community Church, Church of God, The New Apostolic Order in Messiah, The Church in Island Pond and generally, The Communities. Speaking about people that either leave or oppose the cult, Spriggs says, "both those who lie and those who listen to lies are worthy of the lake of fire."

Members of the Twelve Tribes must give up all physical possessions to begin a life of volunteer slave-based farmwork. Families are expected to love God above each other, the women are subservient and often "kept in-line with a strong hand from God" (delivered, of course, by God's loving servant, the husband). Children are disciplined by the long tail of a whip, and it is the responsibility of all adults to "discipline" the children, regardless of who are the parents.

 
Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs is a special kind of Rascal, and the type that is so endearing to us here at Rascal of the Day: the Rascal with a direct communication line to the Big Man Upstairs (because God obviously has a penis).

At left: Circle up for a Maypole-inspired peasant dance!

This band of peasant attire-wearing hippies represents the Twelve Tribes. These missionaries travel around the country seeking those psychologically-weakened individuals to "climb aboard" and "come slave away with us on one of our farms." The bus can be found at hippie rock festivals posing as "First Aid" or "Organic Kitchen", fertile grounds for the saving of lost souls, especially the young and drugged-out kind that are easily convinced to live a communal lifestyle. Once people join Twelve Tribes, they must give up all Earthly possessions, so that Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Griggs will have the funding to visit as many international titty bars as possible.

"I knew something was awry when I climbed aboard that bus full of hippies and didn't smell any smoke."

All cult leaders need financial resources to successfully pull off their ruse, and Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs is no different. In addition to the capital raised by selling off members' possessions, Spriggs has relied for nearly thirty years on proceeds from the Yellow Deli. First operated in Chattanooga, the Yellow Deli has spread to other areas where Twelve Tribes groups are organized and locked onto some remote piece of farmland.

It seems that the vegan sandwich and confiscating possessions businesses are going quite well for Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs. So well, in fact, that he bought a sailing vessel aka 'Peacemaker' to sail through the world's loveliest ports, in hopes of snaring a few wayward souls to come "help out" on one of the slave farms.

At left: Just another flashy method to lure in those wayward souls willing to give up their labor for a piece of bread and dirt floor. Coming soon to a harbor near you.

At left: Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs poses, smiling with his dear wife, or "his whipping post" as he affectionately calls her.




Yoneq aka Elbert "Gene" Spriggs: communicator with God, beneficiary of weak-brained slave labor, international titty club king, Rascal Extraordinaire, we give ya a twenty-one whip salute, ya Rascal!!!

Rascal : David Wooderson

Rascally Act: Attending skate night at the age of 42.

Rascally Details: Shout-out to our field agent in Atlanta, GA for submitting this rascal!


This ole' rascal is stuck in the past - living the life that could have been, acting like it's still 1980 and he's still 13. Finally "ruling the rink", Mutha Fuckas! Stay out of his way, or he'll mow your ass down. You be-atches want some of this - don't ya?

Sure - his mom used to drop him off, and now he drives his Badass Stang, but little else has changed. His still got the black jeans and T-shirt with cut-off sleeves. The plastic comb is sticking out of his back pocket, and the velcro wallet's in the other.

"Maybe he's there with his kids", you might be thinking. Nope - this rascal's just rocking it solo.

Roller Rascal - We'll see you and your bad self every Friday night from 7 - 11pm. In case you're wondering - yeah, you still got it man. Roll on, ya rascal!

In continuation of yesterday's theme (the theme of automobiles, not lesbians, ya dang pervert), we are at Rascal of the Day are proud to present a collection of rascally rides captured on digital film this past weekend. Each of the three rascally rides was documented and submitted by one of our roving field agents. Rascal of the Day is grateful to those that have submitted photos and stories to us...we salute ya!!! 

Please enjoy these photos...and we hope these will make you realize that rascals often display the upper limits of their rascality through the medium of their own automobiles. (And to provide a little motivation for YOU to capture a Rascal of your own on film...and then send it directly to us.)

At left: This Rascal was captured by an enthusiastic Rascal of the Day fan way down South in Georgia. Apparently the Rascal mobile in question is adorned with a skull of some sort.
Upon further inspection, the skull was actually made of hard plastic. We remain unsure exactly which animal it intends to represent. Here's to ya, ya unknown Rascal donning fake animal skulls on your van down by the river.

At left: Sometimes a bumper just isn't big enough for a Rascal with a strong opinion. 

This Rascal was documented in the great commonwealth of Virginia by a first time Rascal submitter.  This "truck but with a top" is literally covered in messages directly from the word of God, and also rants about various social issues and how humans are nothing but evil incarnate. 

To top it all off, the Rascal is sending out a distress signal---as evidenced by the upside down Murikuhn flag. We here at Rascal of the Day would not be surprised if the driver of this message on wheels is the infamous 'Book of Moron' Rascal, who became internets famous earlier this week as our Rascal of the Day.

So here's to ya, unknown Rascal, for having the energy (and the time) to peel all those stickers individually and gumption to place them on your foreign automobile so that we may be saved from ourselves. But dadgum, we ain't reading all that shit.

At left: Here is quite a gem submitted to us from the lame state of Texas.  The operator of this motor vehicle is obviously a rascal-dermist.

Not only is this Rascal showing his own rascality, but also comically displaying one of the most rascally of the North American lesser creatures.
Here's to ya, gun-totin' Texan with a stuffed coyote mounted on the bumper of your truck, ya dang Rascal!

So to these three Rascals, and all of the past and future Rascals that will proudly display their opinions, as well as their real and fake animal conquests...we raise our Buttweiser tallboys to you...then chug 'em and crush the cans on the sides of our skulls.

Our First Lesbian Rascal - Andy

Rascal: Angry Andy

Rascally Deed: Overdoing it with the grumpy bumpies.

Rascally Details: Don't get me wrong - I feel for the gay and lesbian community. They are absolutely getting a raw deal with the Defense of Marriage Act and other such shenanigans based in fear, ignorance, and bigotry. Many times, while the very politicians that publicly endorse these discriminatory policies seek out homosexual favors in airport restrooms and what-not.

Still, the fact remains that rascality has been scientifically demonstrated to increase in direct proportion to the square footage of bumper stickers adorning one's vehicle.

And we can't pretend this isn't true, just because we're sympathetic to the rascal's plight.

Andy - you've got a right to be angry, no question. But all these bumpers stickers just scream "Rascal!", and we're calling you out on it. But you just go ahead and "Ride on you, Rascal!" I hope you will respond to this post with a new bumper sticker that says "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention!"

Rascal: Unknown Christian Bigot

Rascally Act: Self-Righteousness, Religious Intolerance, Defacing the sacred text of another religion.

Rascally Details: Our pious little rascal was obviously none too pleased to find their beloved Holy Bible sharing the top drawer of a hotel room with the false prophecy commonly known as The Book Of Mormon. I mean "Moron" - hahaha! How dare a hotel chain in God's favorite country have the audacity to make available the text of a religious tradition other Christianity? Lest anyone get the wrong idea here, and thinks God writes all religious texts, they want to make it clear that this book was written by Joe Smith - not God. Got it?

This God-fearing guest was obviously worried that a poor, confused soul like yourself - seeking answers from the first religious text in sight, might be forever lead astray into a life of polygamy and sin. So let's get something fucking straight here - Joseph Smith is not God, you dumb ass! Jesus is God. Got it? I should hope so - they went through the trouble of underlying it, just to get through that thick, heathen skull of yours. And what's this fucking shit about "Plates of Nephi"? God writes on tables - not plates, you shit heads! If your parents had raised you right, sent you to Sunday school, you'd know this already.

Again - this may be holy scripture, but make no mistake, Buster - this is "Not Gods Word". Underlined twice for extra emphasis.

Anonymous Christian Vandal - God Bless Ya! I'm sure countless souls have been saved by your noble intervention. May you enjoy your rightful place in the Kingdom of Heaven for all eternity, when your work here on earth is done. Obviously, there's still plenty left to do.

Your Brother in Christ (Not Joseph Smith!!!),
Rascal of the Day

Confederate Rascal...in Darker Pigment.

Rascal: H.K. Edgerton

Rascally Act: Revisionist historian; traitor to the African-American race; scumbag that doesn't appreciate sacrifices made by white Union soldiers in paternal attempt to free dirt poor people from oppression; refusing to despise all white people equally.

Rascally Details: This rascal believes that some slaves of the Old South actually enjoyed their slavehood.  In fact, the devil-in-grey-wool-clothing travels throughout the redneck towns of Dixie spreading the ridiculous lie that 'The War of Northern Aggression' was conducted by the US Army in reaction to unstable economic markets, decreasing Northern textile profits, and tariff collection from Southern agriculturalists (a rascally bunch in their own rite).

And that ensuring freedom from slavery for African-Americans was simply a grand emotional marketing ploy. Anyone who's read a 'Murikhan history book knows that all US military actions are based on freeing the poor oppressed people of the world, regardless of their dark skin colors, and giving them an opportunity to enjoy a life filled with corporate-branded products, digital delusions, and compounding debt

(We here at 'Rascal of the Day' would not be surprised if this traitor believes that current humanitarian missions into the Middle East are about oil, or economic markets, or protecting the value of the dollar, instead of the true purpose: letting freedom ring!)

This black-man-in-Confederate-battle-uniform even has the gall to insist that black slaves gladly (and willingly---the horror) served in the Confederate army, an obvious disrespect toward political correctness. What hogwash! Why would a self-respecting black slave fight and kill the pious white men trying to free them from their destitute lives of oppression?

Edgerton on the Confederate flag: "It does not represent slavery, although slavery was a fact of life. The flag represents a heritage, a way of life that my forebears had. It represents the men and the families that lived together and fought together to preserve their country from invasion.  My family volunteered for the Confederacy and fought side-by-side with white Southerners and Indian Southerners. They are all my family."

Now that's just ignorance and silliness all rolled up into one bundle of pickled bullshit. As if a black slave would fight to remain a slave.

At left: Some ignorant redneck yokel succumbs to Edgereton's revisionist message that the 'War of Northern Aggression' was not about freedom for the slaves. (Notice the disgusting bi-racial flag-fondling.)

Is this smarmy Rascal just angling for the white womens? (the mastuh's daughtuh, ya know)

At left: Edgerton and his 'Boo'

Edgerton poses with other Confederate homosexuals during 'Southern Dress-Up Day.'

Edgerton is the former head of the NAACP in Asheville, NC.  He was stripped of the position and the branch closed because---you guessed it---he couldn't pay NAACP chapter dues.

Maybe if he did some work instead of lying around all day revising history like a lazy ass, the Asheville African-American community would still have a voice. Instead, he eats from the watermelon of black-and-white unity like a plantation-born sucka.

At left: Walkin'round the 'hood with 'Shawty' on every second Sunday. (Just continuing to revise African-American history.)

Quotes from the video below:

• "We need to start a new school around here...and not that federal puppy school established in 1865...I wish I was in Dixie...hooray!"
• "...to give a speech this afternoon in honoring the great General Robert E. Lee and the great General Stonewall Jackson...can I get an a-men?"
• "...and they came here to the great state of South Carolina, where it all began for our independence, after that scalawag Lincoln invaded the Southland of America."

Here's to you H.K. Edgerton: Southern slavery revisionist, traitor to political correctness and African-Americans the world over, Rascal. 

We raise our 40 oz malt beverages to you...and pour out a sip for the dumb bastards that just don't get it...the cross of St. Andrew is not a symbol of hate and racialism.

Rascal: Rosey the Bulldog

Rascally Act: Stealing customers seats

Rascally Details: Rosey is the resident dog at Nue Studio Salon in Miami, FL. If you find yourself down that way for a nice trim, shave, or perm - don't get up from your seat until you're ready to leave. Rascally Rosey will be all over that shit before you can say "hunker down, bee-atch". And are you really gonna try and wrestle your seat back from a rascal with a mug like that? Shit - of course you ain't, fool.

Rosey the Rascal - you're Off Da Chain, Girl! Damn right you own that shit - you live there. To hell with these meterosexuals blowing through the studio to get their curl and wax on. We hope you piss on their alligator shoes, too! Let 'em know who's boss.

We'd like to thank Jason Haig, who works at Nue Studio, for sending this beautiful rascal our way. Jason - keep your eyes open and let us know of any other rascals coming through your place of business. A high-end hair salon has got to be littered with rascals, and we want to know about every damn one of 'em! You and your colleagues just keep 'em comin' brutha! We'll document that shit.

Rascal: John Hagee

Rascally Act: Peddling hate, bigotry, and ignorance in the name of religion.

Rascally Details: This rascal is a televangelist who broadcasts his national radio and television ministry on 160 TV stations, 50 radio stations, and eight networks.

Jews are responsible for the holocaust

On the surface, it seems like this rascal cares about the mostly Jewish population of Israel. But what has he actually said?

"It was the disobedience and rebellion of the Jews, God's chosen people, to their covenantal responsibility to serve only the one true God... Their own rebellion had birthed the seed of antisemitism that would arise and bring destruction to them for centuries to come..."

Hurricane Katrina was God's Punishment for Homosexuality

"I believe that Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans...I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they are -- were recipients of the judgment of God for that...There was to be a homosexual parade there on the Monday that the Katrina came. And the promise of that parade was that it was going to reach a level of sexuality never demonstrated before in any of the other Gay Pride parades.... The Bible teaches that when you violate the law of God, that God brings punishment sometimes before the day of judgment."

Qur'an Mandates Killing Christians and Jews

"those who live by the Qur'an have a scriptural mandate to kill Christians and Jews... it teaches that very clearly."

All ye Women who would enter the Gates of Heaven - Submit to Yo Man!

"Only a Spirit-filled woman can submit to her husband's lead. It is the natural desire of a woman to lead through feminine manipulation of the man...Fallen women will try to dominate the marriage. The man has the God-given role to be the loving leader of the home."

Rascally Backdrops

Hagee, it seems, can't give a single sermon without a wild-ass, larger than life, rascally back-drop. It just helps to drive home these messages of God's love.

The Rascal Don't Fall Far From the Pulpit

Many Christians are understandably very concerned. Who will deliver these comforting messages of God's hatred of homosexuals and women's subordinate status in the world, when the time inevitably comes for John to take his rightful seat in God's Kingdom? Fret not, God-Fearing people - Daddy's Lil Rascal is already taking on more and more of God's great work. Pastor Matthew Charles Hagee is the sixth generation in the Hagee family to carry the mantel of Gospel ministry. Matthew is a graduate of Oral Roberts University.

Rascal: Crystal Dean (our very first female Rascal)

Rascally Act: Pole dancing for Jesus...on Sunday; tempting good Christian women to "get on the pole for Jesus"




The Rascally Details:  Alleged former stripper Crystal Dean (we are assuming that is a stage name) offers Christian women the opportunity to continue worshiping every second Sunday at her pole dancing studio.  Formerly chaste and pious women are lured into this pit of temptation with church bulletins in hand (for free admission) to experience pole dancing for Jesus for themselves. 

They witness the majesty and glory of Crystal swinging her body around the pole in deep reverence for her lord and savior, Jesus Christ.  Then, if these confused women have devolved far enough, they too can experience the glory of Jesus by flinging their own bodies around the shiny Jesus pole.

First, they all get down on their knees, in front of Jesus, and praise his name.  Then they climb upon the pole and twirl themselves around in adoration and exaltation.  Jesus is a merciful man, and is accepting of a variety of worshiping styles, even these ladies in their wanton deviousness.  It is rumored that he enjoys flailing legs and skin burns.  When contacted, Jesus' media representative had no comment.

(At left): Just continuing to worship on every second Sunday.  Christian church bulletin required.  Tattoos and spread eagles optional.

Six inch 'Mary Magdalene' heels, because, you know, "they're good for the glutes."

(Above) More clients succumb to the obvious allure of pole dancing for Jesus.  As Crystal says, "Jesus just loves the spin move."  The ladies twirl to contemporary Christian music.  Such recognizable Christian hits as "The Only Thing that's Good in Me is Jesus" seem to work the ladies up into a frenzy, noted Crystal. 

(Above): Crystal's dream: actually pole dancing in the house of her lord. She is confident that the church coffers will be brimming over that day.  With the validity and credibility of their story fading fast, some men of the cloth are considering it as a viable option.

Here's to you Crystal Dean...Christian...pole dancer...Rascal.  We raise our chalices of holy wine to your ministry and witness.