Rascal: Pastor Jim Moats
Rascally Act: Falsely claiming to be a Navy Seal for the past 5 years.
Rascally Details: Today's rascal comes to us courtesy of Brandon Cole of Kennesaw, GA. For 5 years, Pennsylvania pastor Jim Moats has lied to his congregation about having served as a Navy SEAL in the Vietnam war. The sorry Son of a Bitch even bought a fake Trident medal at a military surplus store, and wore it around town. Moats claimed that he wasn't trying to mislead people with the medal, that it wasn't about him - it was "meant as a memorial to all SEALs". Yeah right, ya Rascal! Jim's rascality came to light after he fed the local paper additional horse shit - detailing his exploits as a seal, in the wake of Bin Laden's death. Apparently, part of Jim's tale was lifted straight out of the 1992 movie Under Siege, wherein Steven Seagal portrays a heroic ex-Navy SEAL, who thwarts a gang of terrorists' attempt to take over a US Navy battleship where he works as a cook.
Rascally Act: Falsely claiming to be a Navy Seal for the past 5 years.
Rascally Details: Today's rascal comes to us courtesy of Brandon Cole of Kennesaw, GA. For 5 years, Pennsylvania pastor Jim Moats has lied to his congregation about having served as a Navy SEAL in the Vietnam war. The sorry Son of a Bitch even bought a fake Trident medal at a military surplus store, and wore it around town. Moats claimed that he wasn't trying to mislead people with the medal, that it wasn't about him - it was "meant as a memorial to all SEALs". Yeah right, ya Rascal! Jim's rascality came to light after he fed the local paper additional horse shit - detailing his exploits as a seal, in the wake of Bin Laden's death. Apparently, part of Jim's tale was lifted straight out of the 1992 movie Under Siege, wherein Steven Seagal portrays a heroic ex-Navy SEAL, who thwarts a gang of terrorists' attempt to take over a US Navy battleship where he works as a cook.
Just like Seagal's character - Casey Ryback, Jim was assigned dishwashing duty as part of a mandated "attitude adjustment", after getting into a fight at a club.
“I had almost no discipline. I was as wild as they came. That was my nemesis,” Moats lied, detailing his imagined past rascally exploits. Moats went on to claim that he was subjected to waterboarding and sleep deprivation - "because the Navy knew this was what the Vietnamese did to captured SEALs." Man, this douche is just longing for the rascally past that never was.
“I had almost no discipline. I was as wild as they came. That was my nemesis,” Moats lied, detailing his imagined past rascally exploits. Moats went on to claim that he was subjected to waterboarding and sleep deprivation - "because the Navy knew this was what the Vietnamese did to captured SEALs." Man, this douche is just longing for the rascally past that never was.
As soon as the local paper published Jim's tall tale, the calls came pouring in from real former SEALs, smelling bullshit clear across the internets. "We deal with these guys all the time, especially the clergy. It’s amazing how many of the clergy are involved in those lies to build that flock up” said Don Shipley, one of the few retired SEALs with access to the database containing the names of all former and current SEALs. This "outing" forced Jim to adopt the famous "pastoral look of shame and remorse", pictured above. Naturally, this was accompanied by the standard pastoral line, heard when they get caught having an affair, jerking off, or some other such rascally deed - "I bring a shame and a reproach upon the name of Christ, I bring a shame and a reproach upon my church, and I bring a shame and a reproach upon my family.”
Jim - you're a true "man among men (of God)." Were it not for mentally unstable folks like yourself, life just wouldn't be as colorful and interesting. Bless you for being unhappy with who you really are, and inventing colorful tales of a rascally past. In so doing, you have won yourself the life you longed for - the life of a true rascal. Welcome to the Big Leagues, Brother. We and The Gipper - quite the rascal in his own right, salute you and entrust our mortal souls to your pastoral care.