Rascal: Jessica Szohr
Rascally Act: Supporting multinational corporation in giving women one more aspect of physical appearance about which to worry.
Rascally Details: Jessica Szohr, of the idiot box's "Gossip Girl", is increasing women's beauty and self-esteem by bringing another physical malady to the forefront, one that affects untold numbers of women: the ugly underarm.
Due to her concern for the inner-images of women (and a large bag of dead presidents), she is now the spokeswoman for Dove's "go sleeveless" deodorant, which promises more beautifully smooth and luxurious underarms in only 5 days of use.
Rascally Act: Supporting multinational corporation in giving women one more aspect of physical appearance about which to worry.
Rascally Details: Jessica Szohr, of the idiot box's "Gossip Girl", is increasing women's beauty and self-esteem by bringing another physical malady to the forefront, one that affects untold numbers of women: the ugly underarm.
Due to her concern for the inner-images of women (and a large bag of dead presidents), she is now the spokeswoman for Dove's "go sleeveless" deodorant, which promises more beautifully smooth and luxurious underarms in only 5 days of use.
Ladies, you should consider yourselves lucky that multi-national corporations (like Unilever-Dove) and paid spokeswomen (like Jessica) are looking out for you. We all know the importance of an attractive underarm, and many women, apparently, are so burdened by underarm anxiety that it affects what they wear. And the 2010 Undercovering Underarms Study proves it.
The great Murrikuhn company Dove, which is owned by the great Dutch company Unilever, wonders "how did our idear of beauty become so distorted?" In the spirit of this theme, it conducted an online survey in 2010 to gather information about women's opinions on underarms.
When Dove did not get the results it wanted, it re-directed the survey to women sitting in the waiting rooms at plastic surgeon offices. Ahhhh, much better. 93 percent of women think their underarms are unattractive and over half (53 percent) decide what to wear based on underarm appearance.
Armed with the market data that supported its new product, Dove, with its focus on "the beauty within," launched the 'go sleeveless' deodorant, with Jessica as the spokeswoman. Ladies, this great product is guaranteed to disappear your unsightly underarms parts in just 5 days!
The great Murrikuhn company Dove, which is owned by the great Dutch company Unilever, wonders "how did our idear of beauty become so distorted?" In the spirit of this theme, it conducted an online survey in 2010 to gather information about women's opinions on underarms.
When Dove did not get the results it wanted, it re-directed the survey to women sitting in the waiting rooms at plastic surgeon offices. Ahhhh, much better. 93 percent of women think their underarms are unattractive and over half (53 percent) decide what to wear based on underarm appearance.
Armed with the market data that supported its new product, Dove, with its focus on "the beauty within," launched the 'go sleeveless' deodorant, with Jessica as the spokeswoman. Ladies, this great product is guaranteed to disappear your unsightly underarms parts in just 5 days!
Jessica enjoys a cozy relationship with Dove, for which she receives luxurious compensation, but she's not in it for the money. "I would slather these chemical-laden products on my skin whether Dove paid me or not," Jessica said. She went on to say, "I may get cancer from them, but at least I will look fake and unnatural...just look at how my appearance has changed since the days when I auditioned for 'Tool Time'." (see below)
At left: Jessica Szohr prior to her affiliation with Dove. We here at Rascal of the Day secured this photograph of Jessica through our large (and ever-growing) network of field agents.
Apparently, this photo was taken just before her audition for Tool Time's Al Borland. She did not get the part, unfortunately, which sent her searching for new roles in her quest for Hollywood stardom.
Apparently, this photo was taken just before her audition for Tool Time's Al Borland. She did not get the part, unfortunately, which sent her searching for new roles in her quest for Hollywood stardom.
"I am very fortunate to still be confident [no matter what] and come summer, the tank top and sleeveless come out. I am so thrilled at Dove’s constant reminders that beauty is within."
(posted online by 'cloutwoman' along with her underam photo before using Dove's new product)
Yes 'cloutwoman', Dove's focus on "the beauty within" is so enthralling that its products are focused on "the beauty without." Women are more informed about the parts of their bodies that just aren't up to code because of great corporate concern (along with grand marketing schemes) for scourges on women like toenail fungus, backfat, and other unsightly physical monstrosities.
And now through genuine concern for women the world over (or at least in rich white areas)...underarm anxiety. But for just $2 more per deodorant bar, detrimental underarms can become areas of great beauty.
Here's to ya Jessica, for giving women one more physical attribute to worry about incessantly. You're concern for women's self-esteem is a tower of sincerity. You are a shining example of everything that is good about corporate-sponsored beauty products. And a purveyor of feminine self-esteem.
We raise our underarms to ya Jessica, and in 5 days (if we use your new and much needed product) those underarms will be even less hideous. Then, maybe our contracted smell testers will actually enjoy their jobs. Thanks for letting us know Jessica, ya Rascal!!!
We raise our underarms to ya Jessica, and in 5 days (if we use your new and much needed product) those underarms will be even less hideous. Then, maybe our contracted smell testers will actually enjoy their jobs. Thanks for letting us know Jessica, ya Rascal!!!