Crystal Dean - Pole Dancing for Jesus
Rascal: Crystal Dean (our very first female Rascal)
Rascally Act: Pole dancing for Jesus...on Sunday; tempting good Christian women to "get on the pole for Jesus"
The Rascally Details: Alleged former stripper Crystal Dean (we are assuming that is a stage name) offers Christian women the opportunity to continue worshiping every second Sunday at her pole dancing studio. Formerly chaste and pious women are lured into this pit of temptation with church bulletins in hand (for free admission) to experience pole dancing for Jesus for themselves.
They witness the majesty and glory of Crystal swinging her body around the pole in deep reverence for her lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Then, if these confused women have devolved far enough, they too can experience the glory of Jesus by flinging their own bodies around the shiny Jesus pole.
Rascally Act: Pole dancing for Jesus...on Sunday; tempting good Christian women to "get on the pole for Jesus"
The Rascally Details: Alleged former stripper Crystal Dean (we are assuming that is a stage name) offers Christian women the opportunity to continue worshiping every second Sunday at her pole dancing studio. Formerly chaste and pious women are lured into this pit of temptation with church bulletins in hand (for free admission) to experience pole dancing for Jesus for themselves.
They witness the majesty and glory of Crystal swinging her body around the pole in deep reverence for her lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Then, if these confused women have devolved far enough, they too can experience the glory of Jesus by flinging their own bodies around the shiny Jesus pole.
First, they all get down on their knees, in front of Jesus, and praise his name. Then they climb upon the pole and twirl themselves around in adoration and exaltation. Jesus is a merciful man, and is accepting of a variety of worshiping styles, even these ladies in their wanton deviousness. It is rumored that he enjoys flailing legs and skin burns. When contacted, Jesus' media representative had no comment.
(At left): Just continuing to worship on every second Sunday. Christian church bulletin required. Tattoos and spread eagles optional.
Six inch 'Mary Magdalene' heels, because, you know, "they're good for the glutes."
(Above) More clients succumb to the obvious allure of pole dancing for Jesus. As Crystal says, "Jesus just loves the spin move." The ladies twirl to contemporary Christian music. Such recognizable Christian hits as "The Only Thing that's Good in Me is Jesus" seem to work the ladies up into a frenzy, noted Crystal.
(Above): Crystal's dream: actually pole dancing in the house of her lord. She is confident that the church coffers will be brimming over that day. With the validity and credibility of their story fading fast, some men of the cloth are considering it as a viable option.
Here's to you Crystal Dean...Christian...pole dancer...Rascal. We raise our chalices of holy wine to your ministry and witness.
Here's to you Crystal Dean...Christian...pole dancer...Rascal. We raise our chalices of holy wine to your ministry and witness.