Rascal: Kerry Campbell
Rascally Act: Freezing her daughter's face and waxing her daughter's legs to win beauty pageants. Her daughter, Britney, is eight.
Rascally Details: Kerry Campbell is well on her way to being a nationally famous Rascal for injecting her eight-year-old daughter Britney with Botox...and waxing her legs...all to conquer the beauty pageant circuit.
Kerry appeared on one of the nationally-televised morning feel-good crap shows to explain why her daughter needed Botox and "virgin waxes". When asked what started the climb toward fake eight-year-old beauty, Kerry reminisced: "She didn't exactly ask me about it but I know that she was complaining about her face having wrinkles and things like that." That's correct, folks...an eight-year-old was complaining about her wrinkles.
Britney is, of course, named after Britney Spears, "the most talented and respectable woman to ever grace the planet," said Kerry. She continued: "From the time I birthed Britney, I wanted to emulate the life and career path of Ms. Spears for her...and it started when I gave her the name. Brit. Ney." Kerry went on with her reminiscing, "I thought...She'll be dancin' and singin' and sluttin' it up in no time." And Kerry aims to speed up that process.
Britney was asked about the beauty treatments she receives by one of the craptastic morning program's info-babes. On Botox, Britney said..."It hurt sometimes, but I get used to it..." We here at Rascal of the Day agree with Britney: at eight years old, its much better to be used to facial injections than those pesky young wrinkles.
The "virgin wax" is all the rage on the beauty pageant circuit these days, as girls under the age of ten have seen an explosion in the incidence of leg hair. As Britney said: "...I just don't think it's ladylike to have hair on your legs." All those extra hormones added to the nation's supply of milk and meat is finally paying off. "By growing hair on children even earlier in life, we can market our fabulous beauty products to them before their brains are fully developed," said Jessica Szohr, the spokeswoman for Dove's fresh line of 'Beauty is fake' petroleum-based products.
Kerry agrees. She's been shopping around for eight-year-old breast implants but doesn't currently have the money to boost Britney's cup size. She's hoping to find an altruistic donor, or maybe she will get instant fame from her morning show appearance. "I don't know where the money's gonna come from...but when Britney gets her double d's, she will dominate the beauty pageant circuit...at least in our county." Ah, Kerry's nothing if not ambitious.
Rascally Act: Freezing her daughter's face and waxing her daughter's legs to win beauty pageants. Her daughter, Britney, is eight.
Rascally Details: Kerry Campbell is well on her way to being a nationally famous Rascal for injecting her eight-year-old daughter Britney with Botox...and waxing her legs...all to conquer the beauty pageant circuit.
Kerry appeared on one of the nationally-televised morning feel-good crap shows to explain why her daughter needed Botox and "virgin waxes". When asked what started the climb toward fake eight-year-old beauty, Kerry reminisced: "She didn't exactly ask me about it but I know that she was complaining about her face having wrinkles and things like that." That's correct, folks...an eight-year-old was complaining about her wrinkles.
Britney is, of course, named after Britney Spears, "the most talented and respectable woman to ever grace the planet," said Kerry. She continued: "From the time I birthed Britney, I wanted to emulate the life and career path of Ms. Spears for her...and it started when I gave her the name. Brit. Ney." Kerry went on with her reminiscing, "I thought...She'll be dancin' and singin' and sluttin' it up in no time." And Kerry aims to speed up that process.
Britney was asked about the beauty treatments she receives by one of the craptastic morning program's info-babes. On Botox, Britney said..."It hurt sometimes, but I get used to it..." We here at Rascal of the Day agree with Britney: at eight years old, its much better to be used to facial injections than those pesky young wrinkles.
The "virgin wax" is all the rage on the beauty pageant circuit these days, as girls under the age of ten have seen an explosion in the incidence of leg hair. As Britney said: "...I just don't think it's ladylike to have hair on your legs." All those extra hormones added to the nation's supply of milk and meat is finally paying off. "By growing hair on children even earlier in life, we can market our fabulous beauty products to them before their brains are fully developed," said Jessica Szohr, the spokeswoman for Dove's fresh line of 'Beauty is fake' petroleum-based products.
Kerry agrees. She's been shopping around for eight-year-old breast implants but doesn't currently have the money to boost Britney's cup size. She's hoping to find an altruistic donor, or maybe she will get instant fame from her morning show appearance. "I don't know where the money's gonna come from...but when Britney gets her double d's, she will dominate the beauty pageant circuit...at least in our county." Ah, Kerry's nothing if not ambitious.
At left: Britney is almost ready! Kerry calls this the bee-sting look, "a favorite among pageant judges," she continued, "it really sets 'em a-buzz."
At left: Rock n Roll. Britney practices her pouting face prior to last week's beauty pageant. Her idols (aside from her namesake, Ms. Spears) include Angelina Jolie and Julia Roberts, among other Botox Babes.
So here's to ya Kerry. We here at Rascal of the Day raise our piss-yellow brews to ya. Then we stumble in the tallgrass, revealing our hairy ass legs and pits and chins...and our big ol' fake balloon titties.
**IMPORTANT UPDATE**
Since this story was written, Rascal of the Day has learned that eight-year-old Britney was removed from the custody of her mother, the stable Kerry Campbell. Apparently, Kerry was not licensed to give freeze injections in such a willy-nilly manner.
Stay tuned to Rascal of the Day for further updates on the plight of this lovely beauty pageant mom.
Since this story was written, Rascal of the Day has learned that eight-year-old Britney was removed from the custody of her mother, the stable Kerry Campbell. Apparently, Kerry was not licensed to give freeze injections in such a willy-nilly manner.
Stay tuned to Rascal of the Day for further updates on the plight of this lovely beauty pageant mom.